ASMR, or Allayed Satan's Mumbling Ritual, is a ritual used to summon the Mumble Satan. The ritual consists of putting on the quietest clothes possible (no flaps, flops, or wrinkles) and whispering so quietly that only the Mumble Satan can hear you. If anyone or anything else hears the incantation, the ritual will be considered a failure and instead the Bumble Satan will be summoned and mistakenly kill everyone involved.

Some good methods of achieving the necessary level of quiet for the ritual include eating an entire bag of chips as quietly as possible by chewing each one a single atom at a time, whispering a dissenting opinion during a lecture by diplo without angering him, or commentating on a microbeetle wrestling match.