Bobop Johnson

Bobop Johnson was a Chapel pianist, keyboardist, and slamgongery who led a double life, performing gigs at the Chat Tavern with the Dooba-Mooba Slam Jam Quintet while being a very rude person and tripping a thousand or more people. He infamously died before execution because of a horrendous burger attack. Bobop Johnson is a classic example of a Kohtuuttomuus.


Bobop Johnson began practicing Jazz, Jizz, and other related genres at the Flat University of Architecture and Physical Education, acquiring a Bachelor's in Fine Music and Sweet Jams, as well as Accounting. Almost immediately after graduation, Bobop was picked up by Fat Slap Records. Fat Slap Records was often known for turning mediocre artists into giants in the industry, and Bobop felt personally insulted by the implications. He was asked to audition for Fat Slap Records so that they could more accurately measure his slam-jam levels. Bobop, after a night of burgering with Peklo and Hero, decided to follow Hero's sarcastic advice of becoming a daring air operations expert, stealing a Grumbum F-14 Tomcat from Hero's personal cache and flying it straight into the recording studio.

Upon impact, a hidden compartment in the Tomcat exploded, showering burgers all across. So fortuitous was this event, the burgers acted as a cushion between the studio and the aircraft, saving the recording studio from Bobop's ill-guided attempt sacrifice to honor his family name. Consequently, a burger also flung itself down Bobop's throat. Being one of Hero's super-secret burgers, with meat minced from a variety of luxury beef from Kobe to Dungeon Rattlerat, Bobop's throat was suddenly eased into a dream of a million fantasies. From that day on, Bobop dedicated his life to living the life of a burgerer, eating burgers everyday.

Big Burger Life

Bobop decided to fund his expenses of burgerering with his musical skills, but because his playing was just so flat, few record labels (all of whom he had a paranoid distrust for) approached him, and even less people batted an eye at his lack of virtuosity. Thernz, upon arriving at the Chapel, noticed the poor Bobop salvaging burgers from Burger Ming, a rather low-tier burger joint that has since been banned from the Chapel. Thernz brought Bobop to his hotel and fashioned a burger out of guilinggao. While Bobop was very pleased with Thernz's hospitality, the immaculate taste of guilinggao in burger drove him further insane in his pursuit of the burger.

Tracking down Thernz's smell over the course of a few months, he found Thernz at the Chat Tavern. Because everyone brought in headphones to dispel the terrible noise from the Slamabangs — a ska band that played gigs at the Tavern every night —, the manager was quick to replace them with Bobop and his quickly assembled band of smooth jazzists, the Dooba-Mooba Slam Jam Quintet.

When meeting Thernz again, Thernz offered a free fortune-telling and advised Bobop to take up banking, recognizing his accounting talents from his hands' crested palms. They suggested a personality that valued greed and stomping in people's faces. Within a few years, Bobop Johnson was garnering respectable funds from his gigs, as Peklo, another frequenter of Chat Tavern, became a tourist attraction with thousands swarming to the Tavern for a glimpse. But what really took the money home was Bobop's new banking job. Since the Chapel had no economy whatsoever, with most high-leveled Chapelpeople hunting instead, Bobop was able to manipulate the lower masses with a bank monopoly. Soon, Bobop Johnson was ordering burgers from Fat Burger every single day.

Soggy Patties

However, tragedy struck when Successor suddenly punched the entire Chat Tavern flat when Bobop and his quintet were playing. The entire group, save for Bobop, had their bodies obliterated from the intense slamming forces. Bobop quickly assembled another quintet, but it would never be as successful, since Peklo retreated into the woods. Without the passion of music, Bobop still had money and the burger. When he heared the sweet tune of a saxophonist on the street, Bobop's old anger rose up. Bobop tripped the poor musician as he got up, breaking five of his bones, including a femur.

Bobop, realizing that his taste for burgers was actually a taste for death (he had hated cows since he was a child, and reveled in their deaths every time he had a burger), went on a spree of tripping people while playing his keyboard as a banal distraction. Bobop was quickly captured and brought to trial. He was further indicted for tripping one-thousand people while the Chat Tavern still existed. However, just before Judge Alis could sentence him to a millennium of sharing a room with a Bungle Bug, burgers erupted from Bobop's stomach and flooded the courtroom.

Rest in Peace, Big Bizzle.