Bod Total

Bod Total, post-head.

Bod Total is a musclemaniac whose already estimable renown was elevated when he declined an invitation from the League of Bodacious Bodybuilders to join their ranks and responded, with a voice that could be heard for five-thousand square miles, "I reject any and all athletic camaraderie, for the body must be treated as absolute, and this absoluteness is erased by clannishness." Aside from a handful of in-range academics, no one understood with this really meant, but some of the words sounded big, so it was pretty impressive to most listeners. The League's members were baffled and branded Bod Total a "turkey", a "hooligan", a "faker", and a "bung." To this day, there remains a maintained distance between Bod and the League.

In an effort to remain maximum-true to his puzzling convictions, Bod has experimented with various methods of keeping a certain distance between himself and any other living being. These methods have included donning armor horizontally insulated with 35,000 meters of Big Guy Foam, exuding Chikara (mostly sweat) at a rate and intensity so strong that every animate object, muscle-loving or not, within 12 kilometers was repelled, and having a mansion built whose central room — the Eggchamber — was impossible to get to by anyone other than Bod (Dag Infinite criticized this building for supposedly being a mere inferior copy of his own mansion, Dag Manor, by writing an essay, published in The Critical Stonesetter, whose pages when lined up vertically formed a warped image of Dag's screaming face with the text; the text itself was largely nonsense).

Bod's most recent controversial act was removing his head and relocating it in his enormous projecting chest — controversial because no one can tell if Bod is alive anymore. Some people say [YES]; some people say [NO]; others say [HMMMMM HM HMMM]. His body was last seen standing atop a lone pillar in a desert by a smart bird named "Dird."