Border Pownd

A Dragonese novel, one of the Four Great Classical Novels. The novel relates the story of Dark Third Master and his cohort of criminals who long for a good government. It has been widely praised not only in the The Land of Dragons but all of G-Urth for its detailed descriptions of horrible crimes, and also numerous accounts of farting and pissing.

Plot

The story begins with a bumbling general who's sent out to receive a great mushy taoist. In his impatience, the general instead slams open a Dracula Hole and releases the spirits of 36 Slam Gods and 72 Mega Demons. He then flees back to the imperial castle. The story then goes on to detail the gallant deeds of every single criminal and how they all gather under the banner of Dark Third Master. Eventually they number 108, and it is revealed they are all human incarnations of the previously released Slam Gods and Mega Demons. In light of this, they try to be better people and actually do good things for the Land of Dragons. In the end they tragically fail and die.

Name

The name refers to the fact that the criminals border a pond, but they also pound anyone who dares look in their direction. Thernz, foremost scholar on all things Dragonese, has suggested that the name also refers to the border between pounding and ponding. "Ponding, as it was known at the time in the Land of Dragons, is more akin to an art form," he asserts, "but despite this its misapplication can have brutal and devastating effects, such as turning a person into a pond. Pounding can also have the same effects, if liberally applied. Therefore, these criminals who border the pond, also border the border between borders of ponding and pounding with their illegal yet ostentatiously helpful criminal activities." In a long, five hour talk show on TV, Nightmare and Thernz talked thoroughly of this subject and came to an agreement that "while there may be more hidden meanings to its name, we can agree it all comes back to the subject of kill and liquidification, whether it be of the individual or society as a whole," they claimed.

Characters

The main characters number an impressive 108, and with others added come to a total of 10,000,000,000,000,000 named characters (most of them die within a page or two of introduction, though). This article will only list the 108 main characters, otherwise known as the 108 Stars of Destiny.

Dark Third Master

Ostensibly the main character, he is the 1st in rank, the Leader Star. Wherever he goes, his name is heard of, and all gallants kowtow and pledge their lives to him. He leads the group of criminals in hopes of creating a better country, after having seen a real life dream of being given an urgent mission to do so by a Slam Goddess. Despite being of excellent moral fibre, he is prone to fits of vengeance and slaughters entire households to sate his bloodthirst. Critics have found this trait to be the one that has made him an endearing character in people's minds. Nightmare chuckled when he found out, however, and just produced a list.

Resourceful Star

The 3rd in rank, he is the Knowledge Star. He is another mushy taoist, but unlike the one mentioned earlier, this one is a criminal. He is, in fact, a criminal mastermind. He can come up with the most brilliant plans, netting the highest kill counts with minimal losses on his own side. Dark Third Master feels very lucky to have him. He is the only other person whom Dark Third Master is allowed to tell about the heavenly mission of KILL.

Dragon in the Clouds

The 4th in rank, he is the Leisure Star. Yet another mushy taoist, but this one knows magic and can tap into limited amounts of Hidden G Power. Effects include: lighting matches, calling a cool breeze during hot days, and riding clouds (a feat controversially contributed to Sun Wukong).

Ten Feet of Steel

She is 59th in rank, and is the Bright Star. A gigantic woman who is ten feet tall and possessing a body entirely of steel. She wields two daggers, each about 1cm, and is known well for her skills with them. No warrior dares attack her in the battlefield.