Devil's Footprints

On a February night fifty years ago, after a heavy snowfall, a series of hoof-like marks appeared in the snow. These footprints, most of which measured around four inches long, three inches across, between eight and sixteen inches apart and mostly in a single file, were reported from over thirty locations across the United Fiefdom. It was estimated that the total distance of the tracks amounted to 10,000 miles. Houses, rivers, haystacks, small woodland animals, and other obstacles were traveled straight over, and footprints appeared on the tops of snow-covered roofs and high walls which lay in the footprints' path, as well as leading up to and exiting various drain pipes as small as four inches in diameter.


There is little first-hand evidence of the phenomenon. The only known documents came to light after the publication in an article in the Transactions of the Glumshire Association asking for further information about the event. This resulted in the discovery of a collection of papers belonging to Reverend H. T. Ellahella, the vicar of St. Whall's. These papers showed drawings of a cheeky Satan, trying not to giggle, hopping on one foot through the snow. Most of these drawings were very bad.


Many explanations have been put forward for the incident. Some investigators are skeptical that the tracks really extended for over ten-thousand miles, arguing that this would have meant that they would have extended onto the ocean, which is quite hard to walk on. Another reason for skepticism is that the eye-witness descriptions of the footprints varied. Some eye-witnesses claimed that the footprints were ten feet long and five feet wide and held ever-hot lava in their shallows; others said that the imprints resembled the markings made by a unicyclist with a dingledang. And so on.

Below are theories for what caused the footprints, aside from Satan himself.

Balloon: Alien expert Horton Hoobum suggested that "an experimental balloon" from outer space had crash landed and skidded for 10,000 miles in a really weird way before finally exploding into nothing with a silent bang.

Hopping mice: Mike Dash, natural philosopher, suggested that the prints could have been made by mice that liked to hop a lot.

Hysteria: It is often suggested that the footprints were merely a case of mass hysteria, caused by the fumes of a world record dump taken by a freak Hell Castlevania Buttlord.

Kangaroo: Kangaroo.

Badger: Professor D. B. O'blong, of Lord King God University, theorized that the footprints were from a powerful badger. The number of footprints, he suggested, were because the animal was "a fatty highly committed to finding victuals." Professor O'blong has put forth compelling evidence that the badger was wearing stealth equipment.