Dirk Gamling

Dirk Gamling was a famous goblin revered for his abnormally high intelligence and role as a mediator between goblins and the Finnish during the Ravendark Perching Incident, wherein the Mighty Ravendark perched itself on top of a goblin camp, breaking the peace treaty between the Finnish and a local community of goblins, the pieruvalmistaja. In retaliation, the pieruvalmistaja set up the greatest heist in Finnish history: in just one night, they stole all the garden hoses of the Finnish people.

The Finnish people declared it a severe foul, especially considering that they were subjugated by the Mighty Ravendark and thus had no control over its actions. The Finnish president, Ruggar, immediately ordered mobilization into the goblin territory. This produced further dispute, as nearby goblin kingdoms sought to aid the pieruvalmistaja from the "imperialistic slams" of the Finnish slammers.

Dirk Gamling, a well-learned goblin, disagreed with these drastic courses of actions on both sides. Inspired to take up reading by the book, Goblins in the Wind, Dirk educated himself in the works of all the classical scholars, including Diplo and Basil Gorgeous. By the age of 85, he had gained the enormous reading level of a human sixth-grader. Seeking to prevent bloodshed, Dirk smuggled himself to the capital of Finland, HELLsinki, in a crate of spiced spider legs.

After surviving an attack of Chapel hunters, Dirk made it to the Ylijumala's Bungalow and pleaded to the court of bearded elders. Intrigued by the goblin's ability to speak coherently, they offered withdrawal of Finnish slammers if the pieruvalmistaja gave back the hoses. Dirk went to the pieruvalmistaja, but negotiations did not go well because Dirk was too intelligent.

Feeling a great sense of alienation from his own kin, Dirk decided to steal all the hoses himself and give them to the Finnish. But Dirk was caught by Mighty Ravendark and eaten. Historians believe this was because the spider leg spices had become embedded into the goblin's skin, so he was highly appetizing. He became a martyr in Finnish history.