Elastic Bazzlamo

Captain Elastic Bazzlamo is a WHAMESCO manager known for his profound contributions to wrestling, including the Cry to Fry management program, collaborating with Thernz in The War to Slam the Score. Throughout his career, Bazzlamo managed a stable of heels, demons, and goblins that incited the greatest wars among WHAMESCO audiences.

Elastic Bazzlamo was originally a sea captain among a group of Martinettio pirates known as the Sea Slammers. With a trademark beard comprised entirely of bloody rubber bands, Bazzlamo's stark appearance struck fear among traders and pirates alike. However, Bazzlamo proved to be a terrible warlord. His heart was unfortunately, too soft for Killing, the single activity of pirates, and he left the Sea Slammers after Nightmare personally raided their entire fleet.

Nightmare, believing Bazzlamo's lack of Killing to be a potential gimmick in WHAMESCO, quickly persuaded Wrasslehon to recruit the rubber rump into the business of wrestler management. At that period of time, WHAMESCO only procured a small handful of managers. This is attributed to the bloodlust of wrestlers who would more often than not kill their managers out of sudden anger. Bazzlamo evoked his "Gift of Gab" to cool down his wrestlers and successfully survived in the next few years.

The new manager quickly made his mark. Assigned to the a wrestling Muscle Satan, Bazzlamo emphasized the devilish devil's physique, and guaranteed that the demon would never lose a match against the "meatbag" humans. Humans and Satans both being meatbags caused the audience to react in explosive fury, crying for the Muscle Satan to be defeated and to out Bazzlamo's claims. Fate was congruous, and the Muscle Satan was quickly obliterated by Giggo the Giant. However, Bazzlamo retained his magnifying position as a top heel manager.

Bazzlamo's career at WHAMESCO was marked by his quick wit, oppressive beard, and extravagant promos. Sometimes he was too successful. After one such promo at MuscleMania XV, he managed to have the audience so riled up that they wrestled themselves into submission over the match could start. In another instance, this created an eleven year war among the audience, the Egalitarian Slamathon, an incident that spelled equality for both audience members and wrestlers. No person was left unslammed. Bazzlamo's success was perhaps too powerful. In one incident, Bazzlamo, Terry Boulder, and his team had to flee after a match. He and Terry Boulder sought shelter at a local hotel-fortress, but the fortress was nuked by illegally acquired Slam Bombs from fans of the Ultimate Warrior.

Bazzlamo would later indoctrinate the Cry to Fry management program. Before Bazzlamo introduced sadness as a concept to wrestling, no wrestler had ever felt emotions other than Slammed and Unslammed after WHAMESCO conditioning. While administration was initially weary to this program, Bazzlamo revealed the true prowess of the Cry to Fry. Wrestlers became able to use their sadness to fry their rivals alive. The actual process for this is still locked away in the WHAMESCO archives, and puts it at an advantage over other wrestling companies.

The great captain would later enlist the aid of his friend Thernz. The celebrity of Thernz outside of wrestling brought a new spectrum to the demographics watching WHAMESCO, including apothecaries, poets, and errant-knights. This culminated into the WHAMESCO BOOM, wherein WHAMESCO took control of 90% of the world's governments.

Elastic Bazzlamo later personally portrayed the Whirlpool of Hoohas in a long-standing TV series with the proud accolade of being the "Worst Pile of Shit in The History."