Garn and Barn McDoogle

The Bros of No-Nos, the Siblings of Quibblings, the Twins of Dins: twin brothers Garn and Barn McDoogle entered society's consciousness after harnessing their abilities to turn into Mega Demons and using this power in the most un-sugoi of ways. At the height of their terrorism, they were put to rest by the Neo Slam Gods. Fringe cults have developed around them since their passing, several claiming that Garn and Barn will one day return, in the form of pure energy, and fuse to become Garbar, Brother of World's End.

Childhood and Beyond

Garn and Barn's earlier history is poorly documented. They had no contemporary relations — or at least none that would admit to being such — outside of their parents, who did not survive to see the years of posthumous biographical interest. The brothers grew up in Armstrong Cannon Town, and because their favorite activity was to roleplay the Dark Slam Gods, pretending to slam everything into shadowy oblivion, they did not make many friends, and got into trouble at school. Details between their early childhood and young adulthood are scarce. It is known that Garn tried to apply to Lord King God University, but was turned down for not being adlut enough. Barn's doings are unknown, outside of the fact that he tried to court Jennica Bojungle (who later married the famous muscle-builder, Dag Infinite). A persistent rumor is that Barn temporarily started crafting colossal swords in the forest to slash to the G-Urth's core.

At the age of thirty-three, the brothers collaborated to form a door-building business. Their motto was "Slam it shut with pride!" They specialized in huge metal and wooden doors for castles and mansions. Because of their tremendous skill, and because their typical customers were elite, they amassed great wealth. One day, a group of travelers came upon Armstrong Cannon Town's site, only to find it as a smoldering waste of crushed and burning buildings. The only building that was still intact was the McDoogle's door shop, and from it came the sounds of door-building, so thunderous that they sounded like the efforts of berserk giants. The travelers ran away as fast as they could.

Damned Doors and Big Battles

In the ensuing days, towns close to Armstrong Cannon Town began to experience similar fates, and it became clear that two Mega Demons were to blame. It was the McDoogle brothers' fame that helped the few survivors of these catastrophes to identify their attackers, since humans-gone-Mega Demon keep their facial characteristics. But no one had a solution, so terrible is the strength of Mega Demons. After a week of ritualistic, pacifistic slamming, citizens across the land were successful in summoning the attention of the Neo Slam Gods, who were occupied by cleaning (and eating!) up a particularly problematic profusion of pizza, courtesy of Crashcombo. Pumpatron was not able to attend; he was taking care of business in the distant Grumble Country.

When the Neo Slam Gods arrived at the now blackened ruins of Armstrong Cannon Town, they found that the McDoogle brothers' door shop had been turned into a fortress built entirely out of layers of adamantine doors. Out of the fortress came the brothers' jeers. The Neo Slam Gods took turns trying to slam the doors down, but the McDoogles' craft, heightened by their Mega Demonic powers, was unexpectedly incredibly. It was only when Thrusticle stepped up to the plate and applied his breakthrough technique — the Universal Spiral Slam — that a dent was made in the material.

A great race then began: Thrusticle's Universal Spiral Slams against the brothers building and installing doors on the spot to thicken their bastion's armor. Ultimately, an irony of iron emerged: the McDoogle brothers built so many doors around themselves that their interior space was reduced to being just large enough to fit themselves. And because all of the doors were being consecutively slammed inward, their material merged to become thicker and beyond the brothers' ability to break free. So it was that the McDoogle brothers were trapped in a prison of their own creation. All the while, Jackbiggu had been slamming through the g-urth to emerge beneath the brothers. When the brothers were finally trapped, Jackbiggu readied his G-Scooper Slam and, emerging groin-first from the ground, slammed the brothers from below. Being unaware of this tactic, they were defeated in an instant.


The brothers' crushed door fortress remains to this day. Legend has it that the McDoogles used a hammer named Most Pounder to assist in their labor. It is also said that this hammer, when whacked on even the smallest rock, will flatten and expand said material into a monstrous door of hell. No one dares to approach the fortress, though, for fear of bringing bad luck upon themselves.