灶GOLD王—GOD食
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灶GOLD王—GOD食, the God of Cooking who is also known as the Satin From Hell or Cram Cook Fairy. He was the Land of Dragons's first regent. Wearing a golden garb and radiant white hair, 灶GOLD王—GOD食 was a master of the Shaolin School of Cooking after his amnesia-inducing exile from the Cradle of Cram. He founded the Land of Dragons, and subsequently created the Three Dishes of Harmony: Guilinggao, Buddha Jumps Over a Wall, and Exploding Pissing Beef Balls.

Although 灶GOLD王—GOD食 is introduced in folklore as the cultural hero who introduced cookery to the baka humans, historians believe his exile from the Cradle of Cram was due in part to his constant bickering over Crashcombo's ordering of pizza every night.

灶GOLD王—GOD食 carried a knapsack around him that consisted of only the finest ingredients, including a braised whaledong. Other descriptions of 灶GOLD王—GOD食 state that Theme of Fat Mako Reactor constantly blasted in the air in his presence, and that he magnetically attracted ugly people to be all around him (possibly an inherent divine ability that makes gods look better than they really are). 灶GOLD王—GOD食's insulting capabilities were second to none, and he frequently referenced pissing and shitting in his slick wordplay. His style of city planning made use of situating buildings on certain ley lines to spell out logograms such as "DIE", "PISS", and "DUMP."

His wife possessed the Legendary Mouth of Hell. His favorite pastime was Final Chef Showdowns, and his personal favorite achievement was the creation of the cooking show, Cram Chef, a stylized cook-off where all attention was focused on the single judge, 灶GOLD王—GOD食 himself, as he flippied around and insulted everyone to the Maximum Ownage.

灶GOLD王—GOD食's disappearance from the world can be linked to his invention of the legendary dish, Piss Ant Soup. The stock is made from the most corrosive Piss Ants' piss while the soup's contents consist of piss, piss, and piss ants. One could say, after this invention, 灶GOLD王—GOD食 pissed off the face of the G-Urth.

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Shadowslam Wrigguhlromm Negabomb Damndeeder Ultraminus Badend
FUBU Perkele Slam Fraud Slam Freud Whall Max Fantastick
Neon Slam Gods 灶GOLD王—GOD食 Godlin
Cramtacular Giga Jammer Grand Slam
Related Deities Dark Mals DEATHBOONER Son of Slam The Drummer
Slam Arts Giga G-Hrony Cram Flexbeam A Blaze in the Northern Sky
Muscle Force
Slamming Devices Slam Bomb
Historical Slams Slam vs. Ram Conflict
Texts and Media Book of Slams The Cyclopedia of Devil "Mystic Slam" SLAM SHACK
"Slam Ram" Slamon and Crashfunkel Dante May Dump: The Hit Tv Series
Basil Gorgeous's Compendium of Ramming Organs in the Divine Slamdom
Scholars Diplo Basil Gorgeous Jacopo Pumppano