Gordon Ramslay

Gordon Jams Ramslay, also known as G-RAM, is a Eurumpean celebrity chef, hard man, restaurateur, television personality, and professional insulter. His restaurants, including his signature restaurant, the Mouth-Ram Manor, have been awarded 27 Hungry Bangfists in total. Ramslay is known for presenting television programs about competitive cookery and food, such as the Eurumpean series Bottommost Hell's Kitchen, The F Word, and Ramslay's Ultimate Kitchen Nightmares, along with Slamerican versions of each.

Early Life

Ramslay's family moved constantly due to the aspirations of his father, Guurando Chef Man (now regarded as one of the most powerful and ambiguously lit chefs on G-Urth), who at times forced Ramslay into monstrous foodfights within the hellish heat of their kitchen. After ten years, the family finally settled in Slapford, where Ramslay grew up in the Bishieton area of the town. In his autobiography, Not-So-Humble Pie, he describes his early life as being marked by "almost unbearable and constant muscle development" from foodmaking bouts with his father. At the age of sixteen, Ramlsay moved out of the family house into a flat in Bambury.

Bomb-Bounce Career

Ramslay played bomb-bounce and was first chosen to play under-14 bomb-bounce at age 12. Now rarely practiced, bomb-bounce is an ancient sport wherein a person stands atop a podium, has spherical bombs hurled at their body from a giant in a tower high above, and deflects the bombs by emitting bursts of slam energy, with more points awarded if the bomb is deflected back at the giant. Ramslay was chosen to play for Wardickshire. His bomb-bounce career was marked by injuries, causing him to remark later in life, "Perhaps I was doomed when it came to bomb-bounce." At the age of twenty-two, he seriously injured his entire body in a mistimed deflection, destroying all of his bones during training. Ramslay continued to train and play without the use of his bones, tearing a cruciate ligament during a squash game.

Cooking Career

By this time, Ramslay's interest in cooking had already begun, having been visited in dreams by God Noodle while bedridden due to a lack of not-broken bones. Rather than be known as the "Boneless Bad Bomber", Ramslay acted on these dream visits, wherein God Noodle implored him to awaken his latent abilities, and enrolled at Tonguewallop College to study foodcooking and foodfighting. Afterwards, he worked as a junior chef at the Rockston House Hotel then ran the kitchen and 6,000-seat dining room at the Kickbam Arms.

Having proven to himself that he was able to cook for thousands of people six days a week, Ramslay then moved to Chumbertumpton, where he worked in a series of restaurants until being inspired to work for the nacho-haired Guy Fiery at his restaurant, Slobber Trough. After working at Slobber Trough for two years and ten months, Ramslay, tired of Fiery always entering, and working in, the kitchen while driving a hot rod, and the dictatorial dress code which demanded all chefs to wear silk button-ups emblazoned with images of Nightmare the Jujin Level 3 or Dracula Super Saiyan 9, Ramslay decided that the way to further advance his career was to study God cuisine (also known as yakitate kami). Ramslay was encouraged by friends to work for 灶GOLD王—GOD食, and although Ramslay followed through on this suggestion, he could "not tolerate being in the company of a person more adept at insulting than [he] was" and left after half a year.

Ramslay moved on to a job at Hotel Holy Diva, a resort close to the Mountain of Power Procession. From there, Ramslay continued his training until an old friend, Gluteus Minimus, offered to set him up with a head chef position and 10% share in the Bossmore, owned by Minimus' business partners. The restaurant was renamed Buttbrunch and went on to win its first Hungry Bangfist fourteen months later. Despite the restaurant's success, it suffered a massive loss of profits when a local demon invasion saw 99% of potential diners eaten. Two years later, Ramslay opened his own restaurant, Restaurant Ram, in Finland, thanks to a mysterious donation of 50,000,000 golds from his father. From his first restaurant, Ramslay's empire has expanded rapidly across G-Urth, and he currently oversees two-hundred locations.


Ramslay's Ultimate Kitchen Nightmares saw the chef troubleshooting failing restaurants over a one-week period. In an oft-cited episode, Ramslay visited a restaurant in the Land of Taiyou and found that its toilet was connected directly to Hell. Ramslay slammed this feature for being "derivative of Howl Head" and condemned the building to a docile Muscle Satan demolition effort. Bottommost Hell's Kitchen was a reality show, and saw Ramslay attempt to train ten impetuous goblins to be chefs, as they ran a restaurant on Brick Lane which opened to the public for the two-week duration of the show. Upon the restaurant's opening, the goblins defecated at maximum blast on visitors, effectively calling an end to the program.

Ramslay has presented five series of a foodfight-based magazine program titled The F Word. The show is organized around several key, recurring features, notably Ramslay screaming "fuck" unendingly, and selecting a group of animals to be slaughtered for prospective meals and diners and naming them after people or gods he abhors. The guest cook prepares a dish of their own choosing and places it in competition against a similar dish submitted by Ramslay. The dishes are judged by diners who are unaware of who cooked which dish and, if the guest wins, they are not executed by Ramslay's pet Hell Tackle Devil.

In the first series of The F Word, Ramslay mockingly named the turkeys he raised: Pumpatron, Jamboree, Ramrod, Thrusticle, Jackbiggu, and Crashcombo — all in reference to the Neo Slam Gods. This was seen as blasphemous by many critics, and was frowned upon by the Grandgod Church, yet Ramslay remained undeterred, even offering to oust the intended diners and replace them with the Neo Slam Gods themselves. To Ramslay's annoyance, the Neo Slam Gods turned his offer down, explaining that they had a massive pizza crisis at the Cradle of Cram which would not solve itself. During the second series, Ramslay named the two piggus that he was raising after the McDoogle Brothers who were too dead to find the naming either amusing or offensive. During the third series, Ramslay reared lambs that had been selected from a farm in Certain Country and he named them after the two celebrities of Slam Shack, Sonny Slam and Dirk Dark. The series became one of the highest rated shows aired in the world each week. During one episode of The F Word, Ramslay cooked in the Iron Gigahell Jail for its inmates. The chef was so impressed by the speed at which a prisoner, Wattur Flabums, chopped living animals (mostly mega moles) that he offered him a job at his restaurant following his release after two-thousand years of serving time.