Humbert Titor

Humbert Titor is an alleged time traveler who says the coming of the Slam Messiah will correspond with end of a thousand cultures. He claims that, at roughly the same time, the Neo Slam God, Pumpatron, will pop a wheelie but then strain his ankle. Somehow, this will flood all of Eurump in a sea of blood, washing away all high technology and many traces of the current civilization, from the genki animes Diplo keeps in his pants, to the entire kingdom of Finland. The Neo Slam Gods, in embarrassment, will vanish from the world and decide to mask their presence.

People purport that Humbert is a false prophet, and that his prophecies have no worth beyond futile self-aggrandizement. Many point out the fallacy that a strain would spew blood, considering that it would not be an external wound at all. Humbert Titor is a very lonely man, yet states that he has a son, John Titor. No one believes that either.


Humbert Titor has never been seen, so all images of him are conjectural. Originally, the most popular depiction was a humanoid robot with an old man's face. More recently, Titor has taken on the likeness of a squat plump fellow who bears a striking resemblance to Bumbo Borgins from The Hobert.

In Popular Media

A videogame entitled Humbert Begins was released that followed the fictional exploits of Humbert Titor as he tried to warn a city full of dead people of an impending global threat to humanity. The game was slammed by critics, but it has come to be enjoyed as a cult classic.