Neo Slam Gods

Holy beings given the responsibility of observing and, when necessary, saving the G-Urth from certain doom. They first appeared during the ultra-ancient Slambeast Crisis, and are led by Pumpatron, residing in the Cradle of Cram. The others go by the names of Jamboree, Ramrod, Thrusticle, Jackbiggu, and Crashcombo. In the Book of Slams, there is an eventual fracture in the group when half of its members express the desire of surpassing the Original Slam Gods. These jealous figures are from then on known as the Dark Slam Gods. This unfortunate development meant that there would be tampering with the hearts of humankind, and so the Neo Slam Gods approached their protective purpose with new vigor, yet a heavy sorrow, too.

Origin Myth

Twenty-thousand binglenniums ago, the slambeasts walked the g-urth…

These colossal affronts to nature had slammed the peoples of the world under their tyrannic sovereignty, enforced with a swift pump and slam. No one knew where they came from; only whispers of dark and twisted slammings escaped the lips of those who dared to speculate. For the fact of the matter was: sooner or later all of existence would fall under their slamdom. The people confided in each other, and prayed for release.

When all seemed lost, a group of brave, steadfast, and unknown warriors stood up to the task of ending the slam terror. And yet, they were called madmen, for their intention was thus: they would slam down the slammers. Surely this was the work of audacious, foolhardy minds, but the warriors would hear none of it. They had come to put the slam on the very lords of slam — and end their sorry fates as victims of rampant slammings. "Slammees no more…", they promised to each other. At the break of dawn, they rode to battle. The world waited, breathless, for the coming slamdown.

Just as soon as the townsfolk thought the warriors cowards in retreat, a great slam shook the g-urth. In the horizon, the silhouettes of the malevolent slambeasts dwarfed the humble group of warriors. But in their plight, the slam warriors unleashed their most secret trump: "Slam friends, fight fight fight!" a deafening shock wave swept across the planet as the tired, outmatched slammers combined into a divine, almost cosmic creature of unprecedented slam force. Indeed, the slambeasts themselves were frozen in a terror they had never known in their long years of unchallenged slam. The newly-born slam deity lifted its bulging arms, and… SLAMMMMMMM

And so the slambeasts left the world in the same manner as when they first appeared in it: with a slam.

Their impossible task complete, the slam comrades looked upon the world they had fought to save, and collectively realized a truth none of them had foreseen: they could not return, not like this. In their quest to righteously slam harder than anyone had ever slammed, they'd reached a level of slam power far too great for safe containment. With heavy hearts, they departed their home in search of greater slam truths, ascending to the heavens. The people who witnessed their selfless courage that day dubbed them…


Current-day Goings-on

Today, most of the Neo Slam Gods' efforts are directed towards thwarting the tireless horseshit of the Dark Slam Gods, and reifying their godbods to stay in tiptop condition. Although the Original Slam Gods were the most prominent targets for human worship for many years, the presence and confirmable personalities of the Neo Slam Gods have placed them at the forefront in slam canon.

A few humans who remain unconvinced by Slam believe that Pumpatron and co. are holding back in their struggles against Shadow Slam's kind to maximum-savor the drama, perpetually gain huge EXP., and make the narrative akin to an anime with four-thousand episodes.


The Neo Slam Gods consistently win "Six Hottest Neo Slam Gods" poll in Pumple Magazine.

The Religion of Slam
Slam Gods
Original Slam Gods
Neo Slam Gods
Dark Slam Gods
Apocryphal Slam Gods

Other Slam Gods

Pumpatron Jamboree Ramrod Thrusticle Jackbiggu Crashcombo
Shadowslam Wrigguhlromm Negabomb Damndeeder Ultraminus Badend
FUBU Perkele Slam Fraud Slam Freud Whall Max Fantastick
Neon Slam Gods 灶GOLD王—GOD食 Godlin
Cramtacular Giga Jammer Grand Slam
Related Deities Dark Mals DEATHBOONER Son of Slam The Drummer
Slam Arts Giga G-Hrony Cram Flexbeam A Blaze in the Northern Sky
Muscle Force
Slamming Devices Slam Bomb
Historical Slams Slam vs. Ram Conflict
Texts and Media Book of Slams The Cyclopedia of Devil "Mystic Slam" SLAM SHACK
"Slam Ram" Slamon and Crashfunkel Dante May Dump: The Hit Tv Series
Basil Gorgeous's Compendium of Ramming Organs in the Divine Slamdom
Scholars Diplo Basil Gorgeous Jacopo Pumppano