First Appearance {$first}
Title Weeaboo
Rank Guilinggao Sage
Role Fighter\Debuffer
Status Recording goblin history
Cause of Death 1Sink into quicksand;2Fell
into lava pit;3buried alive in
collapsing cave;4trap in vortex;
5Stabbed with a pit;
6Fell into lava pit again
Powers Speaking to goblins
Aura of Affability
Abilities Formulating Materia
Writing non-sequitur
Grim Synergy The impeccable ability to
make pancreas and herbal
Age 18
Country The Land of Dragons
Height 167 cm
Weight 80 kg
Speed The speed of falling.
Power Level Cabinet
Blood Type O-
Family Poisonous Wu
Shi Shegui
Marital Status {$martial}
Likes Alan
Dislikes Not Alan
Treasures Their Alan merchandise
Hobbies Alan
Favorite Food Guilinggao
Forte in Sports Running to store to buy
Alan merchandise
Fighting Style Black Turtle Fist
Tai Shan Temple Fist of
The Five Venoms Lizard
Soft Palm of the Golden
Various martial arts
Weapon of Choice Dual Katanas:
* A goblin uchigatana
* A 20 feet long
washing pole
Attacks Pancreas Hurl
Goblin Gaze
Battle Cry Incapable of producing
battlecry or any sort of
aggressive gesture
Win Quote Falls into pit right after
Most Unpleasant Dicks in the side
Weakness Hole
Favorite Music Alan
Personality Goblinish
An unbelievably Alan

"Unsurprisingly a titanic pile of dogshit.
Yet compelling."

-From a review of Thernz's autobiography, Cockroach King

"i can't believe cu chulainn is a fucking dog."


"thernzs a piece of shit they know all sorts of garbage no one in t he world needs to know"

-Personal account on Thernz

Thernz, poor horse, messiah of love.


Thernz, also known as the Grand Medicinal Progenitor Sage is a barely-legal but skilled strategist and herbalist that works under the employ of The Chapel. They hold the distinction of being one of the few people in The Chapel to have crossed the Heavenly and Extremely Huge Gate of the Propping Pillar that essentially blocks East Continent of Dragon Kings from Eurump. Despite that, they frequent The Dungeon, usually in goblin cosplay with daring friends. They are very antagonistic when hearing about Cox after Cox barred him from talking to him after Thernz inquired about his wrestling belt.

His Father, Poisonous Wu

The Grand Medicinal Progenitor Sage came from the distant mountain range east of the pagan realm of Fergana and the Labyrinthine Kingdom of Goblins, deep within the trenches of the oriental dominion, The Land of Dragons, known for its fine silks and tea. It is rumored that they were the descendant of Poisonous Wu, The ‘Great Boxer of Xuan Wu.’ Poisonous Wu had been a skilled knight-errand in the untamed northern region where corruption ran rampant. He attracted the notice of Xuan Wu, the Black Warrior of the North signified as a tortoise, who bestowed him the title of Duke of Wuhan.

In his later life, the Great Boxer lived a luxurious life in his suite but was fearful of his barren attempts to conceive a child, perhaps forgetting the necessity of a Human Pumphole. He crossed into the barren deserts of Xinjiang to seek the aid of the Amorous Mystic of the Sun, San. The Amorous Mystic would confer him with three treasures that promised him reproductive prosperity: Buddha, Dharma, and Priesthood. However, they failed to produce results over a decade that otherwise saw great famines, earthquakes, and other disasters.

Xuan Wu would personally descend from the Heavens and scold Duke Wu for being skeptical of his power. The great tortoise bereft himself of his shoulder blade, transforming it into most beautiful concubine, Shi Shegui, and allowed Duke Wu to beget the Great Progenitor Sage. Duke Wu and the shoulder blade were on the same wavelength and an intense romance spiraled between the two for many years. Presumably, this is because they were both boneheads. In failing to recognize Xuan Wu’s benevolence however, Xuan Wu sentenced Poisonous Wu to one hundred days of water torture and not a word from Wu has come since. Xuan Wu’s son would also mysteriously disappear the day of, perhaps in rebellion of Xuan Wu’s cruelty despite being a meager week old.

Taoism and Youth

Thernz only remembers that most of his youth at a secluded Taoist Temple amidst the Tai Shan, the East Great Mountain. But records link Thernz’s disappearance and the discovery of a young child who was adopted into the temple a week later. How such a youthful child survived and traveled up the great mountains can still stir gossip and conversation throughout the Han Empire. Some even say that Thernz’s birth was the transferring of Poisonous Wu to a new body as a form of renewal and atone for his grave errors in the last life. People suggest that the man's ravenous hunger for turtle is evidence of his long-standing grudge against Xuan Wu despite reincarnation.

At the temple, Thernz, very prodigious and able to learn a variety of philosophically different and even clashing styles quickly, was trained in three styles of martial arts: the Tai Shan Temple Fist of Beauties, the Five Venoms Lizard Style, and Soft Palm of the Golden Peak, a martial art passed down from Zhou Zhiruo. Aware of his supposed lineage from Poisonous Wu, the monks believed that the boy could not be kept else Xuan Wu would curse them for housing the son of ridiculed Poisonous Wu. Age 14, Thernz was tossed out the temple by luring him out with a cup of guilinggao outside the temple, then shutting the gates behind him while the monks howled, “Thernz, please go.”


Thernz’s heart was filled with a bitter and solemn loneliness. They traveled across the Jianghu to adopt new martial art skills to replace the ones taught by his old masters. They would meet Ouyang Feng and learn many poisonous and even evil martial arts, like the Toad Skill, Divine Serpent Staff Skill, and Bone-penetrating Dianxue Skill. Corrupted by the malicious martial arts, Thernz tried to plague the countryside, but then Thernz met upon the gaze of a Dragonese songstress named Alan at a tavern. His anger languished when a sweet smell entered his nose. Within Alan's hands held a cup of guilinggao and they realized their wrongs. Or rather, they realized the true enemy.

While Thernz and Alan never personally spoke to each other, they felt as though their hearts communicated and they felt her hunger telling him to abandon his misdeeds and to seek the "Man with the Apple-Crushing Fist" in order to defeat the Turtles of the World. They would take his knowledge of poisons and convert it into medical knowledge to save the ailing, often creating pancreas for them, albeit imperfect ones. Thernz still believes to this day that they can communicate with the stomachs of others, though most of the time, attempts at communication lead to empty chest cavities.

Hunting Eastern Horrors

To atone for his sins, Thernz thought to begin hunting evil beings that plagued his homeland. Of these, they most prominently hunted Jiang Shi. For a while, they was known as Phantom Fighter Thernz, due to fighting Jiang Shi not only with the traditional sealing methods, but with the martial arts that they had learned. During this time, they also met Kenchi, the master who would improve his Jiang Shi fighting skills, and learned from him that Fu Manchu is the perpetrator behind the Jiang Shi plague. Together, they went on an arduous quest, hunting many Jiang Shi and finally, defeating Fu Manchu himself. Feeling his work complete in this area, Thernz bid farewell to Kenchi and went on a new journey, to improve his skills and to gather wisdom.

The Dragon Clan

While going through the Xuefeng mountains, Thernz saw an old man training there, clawing the sides of the mountain at a speed faster than the eye could perceive, and pulling out large chunks of rock each time. Impressed by his skill, Thernz asked if he could learn the old man's style. The old man introduced himself as the Dragon Master, and told him that this style will only be taught to members of the Dragon Clan, a large family of martial artists. However, the Dragon Master perceived Thernz's amazing aura, brimming with love, and told him that they could join the Dragon Clan, if they proved his worthiness in combat. For forty days and forty nights, straight and without any breaks, Thernz fought against every member of the Dragon Clan. They won most matches, but lost against the Dragon Master, though Thernz gave him a spectacular fight. Despite Thernz's defeat, The Dragon Master deemed Thernz worthy, and Thernz learned the secret Double Fist of the Dragon style, which granted him incredible strength and fortitude. In his many years with the Dragon Clan, Thernz also adopted the Code of the Dragon, and became incredibly wise. Though later, Thernz felt that they needed to move on once more. The Dragon Master understood this decision, and Thernz departed the Dragon Dojo.

Journey to the West: The Chapel

Thernz sought to cleanse himself even further and traveled even more west, flipping above vast tracts of land, climbing enormous mountains in only seconds and leaping over chasms, finally reaching The Dungeon. They were in the presence of The Successor and Diplo for three years, yet they hardly noticed him. After they left The Dungeon and formed The Chapel, Thernz missed them dearly and went there as well. No one noticed him until they bumped into Nightmare's biceps and complained that they weren't Alan.


Thernz is incredibly popular. No creature known to man or goblin feels any animosity towards him, except for the especially deranged ones. It is said that even in combat his opponents ' eyes are filled with tears and their minds with regret. They are close friends with Gabriel Goblin and his spider, and records their adventures.